Today I would tell you about the mind-numbing emptiness of life that I see around me at my new job. The dark, empty corridors of life that lead nowhere, the harrowing silence of inhumanity. The rabbit holes that seem to have swallowed up people around me and how I see myself falling down the hole, leaving nothing but an empty shell of myself. I had a dream yesterday of going mad, of making no sense at all. I had imagined the time you would come and I would be away, in another country, loving you, missing you, yet not here because I could not take it any more, the fact that I’m not enough. I’d cry far away, living a million deaths.

At work I looked in to the mirror to see if I’m still there and I saw this white hair sticking out of my dark beard and I suddenly remembered the moment you took one out like that. I remember how playful you were, how you tried to take it out and when you finally managed, and it hurt, you giggled and hugged me. I wished you were there, taking it out, so that I could hug you.