This is really really hard for me, but we need to go our separate ways. It’s not because of anything you did or didn’t say, it’s because of the situation, and how I’m feeling right now. I’m sorry.

Maybe you were right all along. I had two dreams about you last night. They were both about us not being together anymore. It’s really hard, but today I woke up and I realised I cannot continue. I think I got drained. It was too much. I feel like I need to get out of this mindset and get on with my life, try to find a place to live. I’m quite sure I won’t find the love I had for you again. Maybe I’ll find a different one, less enthusiastic but more mutual. Maybe I won’t find true love again. I realised that I need you to love me and I’m too tired and sad to feel this any longer without your support. I read your mail yesterday and the way you phrased it I realised that you have already made this move, you have already let go.

You should see how many notes I’ve made in the past month about you, and what made me think of you and how beautiful those thoughts were. Right now, I feel empty. I look out the window, I look at the clouds and the sunshine and I don’t see that moment anymore when I told you to look up to the sun and think of me. I see beautiful, but silent clouds. I see people talking about useless things and I don’t think of how we used to talk about interesting topics. Everything fell silent, and I’m more in peace with myself now. There is nothing to reach for, it’s all gone and I let it go. My daemons are still here, lurking, but they fell silent. I’m not just giving you up, but I’m giving up myself. I tried and I didn’t succeed. But I tried and I’m glad for that. If I could change time, I would go back and ask myself to re-consider going with you to Africa.

I’ll miss seeing your positive energy change this world for the better. I’ll miss thinking of you and loving you. And I’ll miss living my life with you.