I dreamed two dreams of you today. In one, I was waiting for you to arrive, but someone different came. I was surprised but I thought maybe it’s still you in there somewhere. Some of your physical features were different, some the same. You were distant and I didn’t know how to approach you. I’m afraid it was a prophetic dream. It made me think about what I saw of you and who you might be. How you might have changed, or stayed the same but showing a different side to me. It was really sad and confusing to wake up.

In the other dream, I couldn’t wake up of properly and was struggling to get out of. It was a dream that started off strangely but not scarily, turning violent in the end. When I woke up I was really afraid that you were lying next to me on the other side of the bed, and you were dead. I actually turned to check if you were there. It then occurred to me that if you were to die today, I would seriously consider not spending more time on this place. Although it would be counter to what you would have wanted: for your ideals to prosper in this world — equality, compassion, freedom — and maybe for me to be happy. But being happy without seeing you at least one more time would be impossible. There is nothing in this world that matters to me more than to see you and try to convince you that we can give a shot at gently, slowly, building a life of mutual love and respect for each other. It will take sacrifices, and I’m willing to make the vast majority of them, I just want you to accept that my sacrifices are not in any way made to oppress you, to corner you to make choices that are compatible with mine. That they would be sacrifices made of my own accord, knowing that there are no guarantees. And indeed there are none. But there is hope and I want to explore hope, a hope for a better world, a better time, and a better us.