I thought a lot about you today. Melancholy, resignation, and disbelief mixed, it was hard to live with myself. In the evening I went down to take a stroll and I thought about how it would be to hold your hand, stroll around there, tell you how much you matter to me. I can feel the mistakes I made. Not being honest with myself and not acknowledging how much you mean to me. Not telling you how much I enjoy your company and how terribly I would miss you. Not understanding how much you changed my life. It feels like a life sentence, you not talking to me. As I see the ship sailing by, I am ashamed and terrified. A week, a year, a life later, this will still haunt me. I’m so terribly sorry.