Even though I’m not supposed to, I feel like an idiot not writing her. I miss her as if I was banished to the bottom of the ocean, gasping for air. It’s terrifying and very lonely here. I feel the weight, the pressure on me, and I have to consciously stop myself from writing her. In a sense, I write her every day, but there is no dialogue. I love her amazing thoughts and feelings, her gentle way of approaching things. I would like to hear what she has to say. I’m just hearing my own echo. It’s the best way to go mad.

Today, as I was quickly leaving my room for a strange meeting of hackers and people (how I would love to talk to you about this…), I popped a chewing gum in my mouth and I remembered: it was you who made me start chewing gum. I was always afraid that it will damage my teeth (for no good reason, really) but with you, I thought, let’s give it a try. And I never turned back. I gave you that empty chewing gum box not only because it was sentimental (our first date…) and because it represented an important point for me (you gave me the package with only one gum in it and I said, one has to accept/keep the ‘bad’ part as well as the good — and I did keep it), but also because it was such a simple gesture that is now an everyday thing for me. I’m so glad, if for nothing else than for this moment that I could remember you just by popping a chewing gum in my mouth. Simple, simple things. I need to hang on to these, or else I think I’ll loose that small thread of sanity that’s left for me.