By accident I read your message today, the one you sent about not wanting to see me. The one that says you want to end it all because you want something more fulfilling. I read it, and I don’t know what to do with it. It’s like a massive black hole that sucks out all the energy from me, a huge hammer that hits on the glass to shatter it into pieces. It reads so harsh and heavy. It reads like you were at the same time happy and sad to write it. I read it and a deep, dark sorrow overcomes me. Like the shadow of something much-much bigger, something dark enters and I have trouble leaving my mind. It’s hard to explain. Something that I thought was full drains in a matter of seconds and I’m left empty, with something important missing. It seems there are only two ways to go: trying to forget or keeping it alive. And I’m not ready to let go, not this time, not like always. I’d rather go mad fighting for it than to go the other way, of not caring, of not paying attention, of not being here, now, where I belong.