It’s 6am in the morning on this Sunday and I’m thinking of you. I’m sorry for all I’ve done. There is no one comparable to you. I fear that you’ll be here and you’ll tell me that it’s over. I’m different now. I used to be happy, generous, caring. I’m afraid, self-centred, and cold now. I wish I could explain this. Like a flower that closes for the night, I’m closed and waiting for you but I’m afraid that even though you’ll be here, you won’t stay in my life. It’s very-very hard to digest and makes me want to cry every day. I’m sorry for not taking you more seriously back then and telling you I want to live with you. I’m sorry for my mistakes and missteps. Of course that’s not enough, but I can’t do much more. Right now, it’s only waiting… and I’m just eating myself alive.

—

What would you remember of me if I passed away? I’d miss you if you passed away. I’d miss your tender love, your gentle care, the way you hugged me on that fateful Tuesday morning, the last night we slept together. I remember you just hugging me. I’d miss that hug and I’d miss your tears at the airport. I’d miss you waving me goodbye when you disappeared into the security check. I’d miss seeing you again and telling you how much I love you. I’d miss your smile and the way you smell. I’d miss our conversations about the world, about ourselves, about our past. And I’d miss building a future with you.