Today as I was reading about angry divorce cases I thought of you and how it would haunt me if you were mean to me. How I’d sulk away and be really-really sad.

I have lost some form of humanity, some inner assuredness. I feel fragile and I’m constantly questioning others whether they are good and find myself contemplating whether I would be good enough for them, whether I would stand up to their level. I constantly try to find faults with others as if their faults would relieve me from having to try being better. With you I felt like I am enough. I remember our journey to Prora, our explorations, our time out. It was marred by our future but it was amazing, riding the bike with you, exploring, drawing, playing, and yes, accidents, that I believe brought us closer. I felt sure that you cared for me, that we had something to share and cherish. I feel empty and less sure of myself now, trying to find fault in others rather than facing my own daemons. I have trouble facing them. Instead, I am left with a feeling of sadness and just waiting and waiting. For you, for us.

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Post Scriptum: The daemons are back again, haunting me. I have trouble doing this alone. I need you to be with me. The wait makes me hollow, tired, homeless.