The other day I saw a child stepping in front of a car, being nearly hit. Her father angrily caught her and reprimanded her, shouting. I know that we would have loved her instead, hugged her, comforted her. I know that we would have showed her how important she is to us and how much it would have hurt us to see her being hurt. I know that we would have showed her love and care instead. I know that we would have been good, in the true sense of the word — showing vulnerability instead of crouching back behind anger and frustration. I know we would have the courage to be open and vulnerable, to cry and rejoice in front of our loved ones.

I want to walk hand in hand with you. I want to hug you long and deep and then kiss your neck and put my hands around your head behind your neck and slowly, gently, kiss you. I miss the emotional openness we could have, the possibility of unimaginable joy and the feeling of connectedness. I miss resting my head on your chest listening to your heart beat. It was good being there. Relaxing, soft, vulnerable and safe.

I remember bouncing on the seashores of Prora, with you by my side, having lots of fun, laughing, playing, enjoying ourselves. It was so carefree. I miss those moments… Today was a sad day without you.