Today I wanted to tell you about my move to my new room. It’s a new step and I’m not sure it’s the right one. I will probably have it when you come to visit London and I hope you’ll like it. Yesterday I was looking at google maps and saw all the marked locations at the Ruhrgebeit. It was sunny outside and I remembered our walks and the beautiful things we saw together. I remembered that moment when I was sitting behind you in the train, thinking that it’s worth living in this world, that there is beauty to be found, that we don’t exit this place like we entered it. I’m sad and sorry for all that happened and I wish I could go back and change things. I want to tell you how much you mean to me and how I would like to be with you and try to live a full, beautiful, meaningful life with you. It was only two days ago that I heard your voice, your voice saying that you love me, and I miss you already…

I remember you saying during our conversation that I am always so generous with my words. It occurred to me, that maybe I’m not so generous with my actions. I’m so sorry, I was wrong. I should have been better. And now I’m crying and remembering that it was you who thought me how to cry again after all those years and I’m so grateful for it… crying reminds me of you.

(and every message I get I think it’s maybe you)